to return with an insatiable thirst for you and for meaning.”
When I think of us it seems absurd to not believe in eternity.”
one we love. You are the one I love, in front of every spring, and I kiss you deeply,
with all my love.
Ma petite Maria,
I just came back home, I don’t want to sleep at all, and I have such a great desire to have you close
to me that I have to sit at my table to talk to you the only way I can. I didn’t dare say to Marcel
[Herrand] that I didn’t want to go drink his champagne. And you were with so much people !
But after a half hour, I had enough, I only needed you. I loved you so much, Maria, this whole
night, seeing you, hearing your voice that became for me irreplaceable while on my way up to
Marcel, I found a piece of text for the play. I can’t read it anymore without hearing you, it’s my
way to be happy with you.
I try to picture what you do, and I ask myself with wonder why you’re not here. I tell myself that what would be in the rule, in the only rule that I know, which is that of passion and life, it’s that you come back home tomorrow and that we finish together an evening that we would have started together. But I also know that this is vain and there is everything else.
But at least don’t forget me when you leave me. Don’t forget either what I told you extensively at my place, one day, before everything rushes. That day I told you with the deepest part of my heart and I would like, I would like so much that we be to each other like I told you we should be. Don’t leave me, I can’t phantom anything worse than losing you. What would I do now without that face where everything shakes me, this voice and also this body pressed against me ?
Besides it’s not what I wanted to tell you today. But only your presence here, the need I have of you, my thought of this evening. Goodnight, my dear. I hope that tomorrow will come quickly and all the other days where you will be more mine than this cursed play. I kiss you with all my strength.
Albert Camus & Maria Casares